Negotiated Safety

Some couples negotiate the sex they have within and outside their relationship to protect themselves from HIV. Some men find condoms reduce their pleasure or intimacy during sex but still want protection from getting HIV and STIs. Many men negotiate to always use condoms with casual partners outside their relationship but to fuck without condoms within their relationship. Other men agree to always using risk reduction strategies besides condoms outside of their relationship to reduce the risk of HIV.

Does it work? Fucking without condoms is only safe when you know for certain (from a HIV test) that both of you have a HIV-negative status and are free of STIs.

If you and your partner decide to stop using condoms within your relationship there are some steps you need to take before you can stop. To be safe, both of you need to get tested, and then after still using condoms whilst fucking each other for 3 months, get tested again. If both of you are HIV-negative and have not had any risk of HIV exposure within the 3 month period of testing, than you can stop using condoms within your relationship and be reasonably safe in doing so. Continued safety without condoms requires open communication, honesty and commitment that both of you will always fuck with condoms outside of your relationship and that in the event of the commitment being broken, you both are completely honest with each other and return to using condoms until you establish that both of you are still HIV-negative.

...you both know you are HIV-negative?

If neither of you have had any exposure to HIV since being tested and during the 3 months before being tested, recognise that to safely stop condom use within your relationship requires open communication, honesty and commitment. If either of you still fuck other people, make a commitment to never fuck casual partners without condoms. Be prepared for mistakes and agree to be honest with the other if you slip up and fuck a casual partner without a condom. In the event of either of you breaking the commitment, or being exposed to HIV, agree to return to using condoms when fucking each other until you both know you are HIV-negative once more.

...you are both HIV-positive?

If both you and your partner are positive there are still some steps required to ascertain if you can safely start fucking each other without condoms. Just because you’re both HIV-positive, does not mean you have the same strain of HIV. Fucking a partner with a more resistant HIV strain without condoms risks contracting another strain of HIV, which may or may not be more resistant to treatment. More resistant strains of HIV can reduce the effectiveness of any current HIV treatments, alter viral loads and increase the risk of damage to your immune system. Talk to your doctor about the HIV strains you and your partner have, to ascertain if one of you could pass on a more resistant HIV strain to the other. Stopping the use of condoms safely within a HIV-positive seroconcordant relationship is only possible when you share the same strain of HIV and remain unexposed to other strains of HIV. Remember: even if you’re both HIV-positive STIs can still be passed between sexual partners when not using condoms.

...one of you is HIV-positive and the other HIV-negative?

The only way to protect each other is to continue fucking with condoms and lube, and to ensure you get tested regularly for STIs and HIV.